The Heart Longs for Home
by Regularamanda
Summary: While Sam is on Atlantis, Jack gives her 12 things for Christmas. Sam and Jack Established. Fluff. Angst.
1. First Day of Christmas

_Author's Note- I've actually had this idea in my head since May. It's short mini fics about 12 things that Jack gave Sam while she was away in Atlantis. Super fluffy! Maybe I'll throw in an angsty one…you never know!_

_Huge thanks to my beta __**Twilight506 **__(Yes, I hear the collective gasps that I _finally _got myself a beta.) I'll be surprised if she survives the bateing of such a fluffy fic!_

**The Heart Longs for Home**

_On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me…_

Colonel Samantha Carter leaned up against the side of the window in her quarters that overlooked the city of Atlantis. The stars and moons glowed brightly in the darkness of night, but somehow they didn't seem as bright as the ones in the Milky Way. As much as she loved her job and as much as she loved the people, this wasn't home. Her heart and home belonged wherever a certain gray haired General happened to be.

Sam closed her eyes. Christmas was in less than two weeks and some of the members of the expedition had opted to go back to Earth and spend time with their families. She, however, did not have that option. She freely admitted to herself that she wouldn't really trust someone else with her position here, even for a few days. The Pegasus galaxy was quiet for the moment, but she knew that could change in an instant. She needed to remain here.

Her heart longed for home though. It longed for _him,_ for the feel of his arms around her and his lips on hers, for the feel of his soft gray hair as she ran her fingers through it.

They'd been together for over ten years, first as friends and officers, and then as lovers. It seemed wrong that she would spend Christmas without him. She tried not to think of how long it had been since she'd seen his chocolate brown eyes light up.

She crossed her arms around her, as if to protect her heart from the longing and dull, throbbing pain. It wasn't working.

A knock on the door startled her out of her musings.

"Come in," she called.

A plastic tub appeared first in the doorway and she recognized the form of Colonel John Sheppard behind it.

"A package came in for you with the last shipment of supplies from Earth," he stated.

Sam's eye brows scrunched in confusion at the tub. She hadn't requested anything from Earth…

"I'll just leave that with you then." He smirked at her.

"Uh…right. Thanks, John," she stammered.

He sent her a small wave and then walked out of her quarters. Sam moved quickly over to the tub and took off the lid. Her confusion intensified as she glanced at the multiple packages wrapped in brown wrapping paper, a piece of paper with a number on each one. Resting on each of them was a paper case holding a single DVD. She picked it up, and after glancing with confusion at the packages, she went over to her laptop and popped it in.

She clicked the play button and her heart leapt into her throat at the surroundings in the video. She'd recognize that apartment anywhere…

"Oh for crying out loud!" a voice mumbled off camera and Sam grinned. She'd know that voice anywhere.

A frustrated looking General walked into the picture and sat down on the chair.

"Hi, Carter! I hope this thing is working…only took me five tries to figure out how to turn it on. You do _not_ want to know how long it took me to figure out to make it record," he grumbled.

"Anyway, I'm assuming you're looking at the tub wondering what on earth is in there. Well, you know how I love clichés…and there's that old Christmas song with the 12 days of Christmas…and I thought I'd send you 12 things to remind you of home. You do miss this old solider, right? Haven't found any cute alien men while you were in the Pegasus galaxy have you?" he teased with a lift of his eyebrow.

"More than you know," she whispered to the computer screen.

"You can only open one package a day…start with one. There's a note to go with each," he said as he waved a finger at her to make a point.

"I…uh…miss you, Sam. Stay safe, alright? Love ya. Merry Christmas!" He smiled at the camera before getting up and moving in front of it to turn it off.

She smiled at the blank screen before walking over to the tub and pulled out the package on top, labeled with a one. She carefully unwrapped the paper and her stomach grumbled when she saw what it was.

A four-pack snack pack of blue Jell-O, with a spoon taped to the top. She groaned softly at her favorite indulgence treat. He knew exactly how much she loved this and she figured he also had a pretty good idea that she didn't get it much. The note attached to it was short and read, '_The red is still better.'_ Taking the spoon she dug into one of the cups and let her eyes travel once more over to the plastic tub. Curiosity made her wonder what else he could have put in there for her, but she knew she'd find out in the coming days.

Unfortunately, there was only one thing she truly wanted and the chances were slim to none that she'd be able to see the man she loved for Christmas.

*******

_Author's Note- Inspiration for this came from the song, 'The 12 days of Christmas', so if you haven't heard of it try searching for it on youtube. A chapter will be posted every day between now and Christmas. Thanks so much for reading and if you liked it let me know!_

_Edit- It's been brought to my attention that the 12 days of Christmas aren't until after Christmas, D'oh! But considering I have the ending all planned out...I'll just have to go with this. Sorry if that turns anyone off!_


	2. Second Day of Christmas

_Author's Note- I had an edit on the very first chapter but just in case…I was informed that the 12 days of Christmas isn't until after Christmas…but that will be worked in for a good reason in the very last chapter. And once again thanks to Twilight for the awesome beta. Enjoy!_

**Second Day of Christmas**

_On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me…_

The next day, Sam made her way through the mostly empty corridors of the city, curiosity adding an extra bounce to her step. The prospect of the surprise that waited back in her quarters caused her to grin.

"Someplace you need to be?" McKay asked with a smirk as he ran into her in the hallway.

"No, not really. Why?" She hoped that the blush creeping up her neck hadn't reached her cheeks.

"I don't know…you just seem…really happy…or something," he said bewildered.

"I normally am, Mckay…"

"You just seem _happier_ than you normally are…aww did they ask your opinion on the new project I'm working on? Because I specifically told them that I wanted to look at it first."

She cut in with a small smile. Even around the holidays Rodney was still, well, _Rodney_. "Nobody's asked me anything."

"Oh. Great. Well then I'll be…" he exclaimed with a gesture behind him.

"Right. Good Night, McKay." Sam started to walk away but was interrupted.

"Uh…Sam?"

She turned back around and found him shifting from foot to foot.

"Um…I'm happy that you're happy," he awkwardly stated.

Huh. Who would have thought that the holidays could bring out goodwill in a person who rivaled Ebenezer Scrooge?

"Thanks, Rodney."

He nodded at her and left. She smiled at the empty corridor and walked the small distance back to her quarters. As she entered she sighed at the starkness of them. For one reason or another, most of her personal possessions hadn't been brought with her. As much as she knew that she needed reminders of home, a small part of her wanted to bring as little as possible, so that her term didn't seem quite so permanent.

The one main reminder that she had brought with her, the most personal, was the picture of Jack sitting on the table. A smile formed on her lips as she looked at the grin he had worn at the park when they'd had Cassie that day; a grin that she had seldom seen throughout the years. The man in the picture had changed so much since it had been taken. More laugh lines had filled out his face, a scar had been left on one of his eyebrows, and his hair had slowly turned from salt and pepper, to almost gray. Of all the pictures she had of him, this one was her favorite. Sadness still lingered in his brown depths but when he had looked at Cassie the pain in his eyes would diminish, at least for a time.

She left the picture and went over to the plastic tub. Picking up the present with the number two on it, she went over to her bed and sat crossed legged in the middle of it. The paper came off in a hurry and she grinned when she saw what the contents held. _'Thought you might have missed these…there's a few corrections that need to be made,'_ the note read. The package contained the three latest issues of _Scientific America_ along with a black permanent marker_._ Her grin widened when her eyes scanned the front cover of the top one; _Wormhole Theory: Fact vs Fiction, _read the headline_._

Pulling out the marker and flipping open the magazine, she started to mark out what was wrong while adding the right information in the margins. For the next hour, she laughed and groaned at the articles. Every so often her eyes would roam to the picture of the man sitting on the table, and her thoughts would turn to him. When she had been home, every time she had cracked open a magazine, he'd playfully nag her. He'd tell her to 'put it down and have some fun', while raising an eyebrow suggestively.

With a touch of regret, she wished she would have listened to him more often.

* * *

_Author's Note- Thanks for reading and if you liked it let me know!_


	3. Third Day of Christmas

_Author's Note- This chapter is a little bit guttery, you've been warned! Thanks again to Twilight for the beta._

**Third Day of Christmas**

_On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me…_

After a quiet day on Atlantis Sam quickly walked back to her quarters, her mind light years away. She imagined Jack was probably sleeping right now, considering the different time zones of the two galaxies. Oh God, what she wouldn't give to have him spooned up against her, to have him brush away the hair at the base of her neck and place feather light kisses there. The twin sized bed felt so small and she longed for the queen bed and his arms gently holding her as she fell asleep. Those were the times that she missed him the most, late at night, alone in her quarters. When the loneliness was the most profound.

Sam walked into her quarters and decided to leave the lights off. Moonlight from the planet's moons the room, giving it an illusion of home. The moonlight streaming in reminded her of nights of uncontrollable passion of being loved by him. This was far from close, but made her feel as if she was that much closer to him. Removing the lid to the plastic tub, she pulled out the package labeled with a three, and opened it.

She let out a small gasp and her hand trembled as her fingers caressed the worn fabric. Her eyes skimmed over the note that read, _'Never looked half as good on me to begin with.'_ The well-worn cotton t-shirt was soft against her fingertips from repeated washings.

The morning after their first night together, she had walked in wearing only that, Jack's eyes had lustfully roved over her half naked form, devouring her with his eyes. He had slowly gotten off the bed and wrapped a strong arm around her waist, pressing her flush against him, while his fingers played gently with the hem of the shirt at the outside of her thigh. Jack's hand had excruciatingly slowly made its way up underneath the fabric of the shirt. His touch had set her skin on fire and needless to say, they had ended up getting a very late start to their day. After that she found herself stealing the t-shirt every time she had been with him.

Lifting the shirt to her face, she breathed in the scent that was so Jack. Despite having been washed numerous times, the lingering smells of him still clung to the fabric. The original bright red t-shirt was now a light maroon color and the silk-screen logo had cracks all throughout. It was way too big, even for Jack but that meant the shirt was baggy, loose fitting and so very comfortable.

Desperately needing to be close to him, she undressed and put her lounge pants on before slipping the shirt over her head. Her arms wrapped tightly around her middle, hugging the fabric closer to her skin, trying unsuccessfully to substitute the strong arms that had held her close so many times for the past ten years.

Pulling away the covers on her bed, she quietly slipped underneath the sheets. Her legs pulled up against her middle and she curled into a ball. Sleep would be a long time coming tonight and even thoughts of meeting him in her dreams couldn't make her drift off. She buried herself in the cloth, she recited pi as far out as she could go and she longed for her lover.

Hours later when sleep finally came, a solitary, unseen tear trickled down her cheek.

* * *

_Author's Note- I just wanted to let you guys know that I have a two finals to study for tomorrow, so the chances of a new chapter tomorrow are slim to none. However, I will try to make up for it at the end of the week! Thanks for reading and let me know if you liked it. _


	4. Fourth Day of Christmas

**Fourth Day of Christmas**

_On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…_

Sam massaged the bridge of her nose, feeling a headache coming on. Damn it, but the lack of sleep the previous night had not helped her at all. When she had drifted off, Jack had shown up in her dreams, but while she could see him and hear him she had been unable to touch him. Her hand had reached desperately but slowly he had disappeared entirely. The pain in her heart when she awoke had been unbearable.

God she missed him, but now wasn't the time nor the place to think along those lines. She still had work to do.

Taking in a deep breath, Sam leaned back in the chair at her desk. After several long moments, a sigh passed her lips and she turned her eyes back to the reports on her computer. Once she got them done, she could go back to her quarters, open the present from Jack and hopefully get a decent night's sleep.

An hour later, Sam came to the last document waiting for her approval. Her eyes rose to her hairline when she saw the request. Out of all the people on Atlantis, she would have thought that Rodney would have wanted to work on his project over the Christmas holiday.

A voice at the door startled her and her eyes turned to the person standing in the doorway.

"Uh…have you gotten a chance to look at my request?" Mckay asked nervously.

"I'm actually just looking at it now," Sam confessed.

"Oh. Well…I should probably…" he stammered as he turned around.

"Rodney."

He turned back around to look at her and she smiled at him. "Yes, you can have leave for Christmas. I'll admit though, I'm surprised you didn't want to work on that piece of technology that you found the other day," she teased with a lifting of her eyebrow.

"Yes. But Jeannie wants me to come over with her and her family for Christmas. She wouldn't take no for an answer," Mckay grumbled.

"That's great."

"Yes…" He didn't sound convinced, but before she could say more he gave her a small wave and walked out of her office.

Sam smiled softly and shook her head at her empty office, before turning off her computer. With laptop in hand, she quickly left, her long strides quickly taking her in the direction of her quarters. Entering them, her eyes immediately found the plastic tub. Setting her laptop down on the desk, she reached in and pulled the present labeled with a four. Her eyebrows drew together at the brown envelope in her hands.

Hmmm…

Opening it, a grin lifted the corners of her lips and tears unexpectedly sprang to her eyes. _I was going through some old photos and found this one. Thought you might like it, _the note simply read.

Her fingers traced the people in the cool, glossy photograph in her hands. She assumed that the picture had been taken about four years ago, sometime off world. Teal'c stood stoically to the left, while Daniel had his arm around his shoulder. Jack stood next to Daniel, and Dad stood beside him. Teal'c had a smile on his face, while the others were caught in the middle of a laugh. She didn't remember seeing this picture before, not that it mattered. These were _her_ guys, the ones that she cared about the most.

Her eyes lingered on each one of them, but they stayed on her dad the most. She missed him. Always would. She knew he had wanted her to be happy…how she wished she could tell him that she was.

She quietly put the photo on the table, wishing there was a frame that she could put it in. After a moment though she realized she didn't need a frame after all. Without it, she could have it right by her bedside when she went to bed, but it didn't have to be a constant reminder of those that she missed if she didn't want it to be. Without a frame, it laid flat on her dresser, instead of being upright facing her, which would have made her miss them all the more.

As Sam changed out of her uniform, her mind kept coming back to the same dismal conclusion. What holidays mattered without those you love by your side?

* * *

_Author's Note- Sorry for the delay! School's done for me for the next month so hopefully I'll have time to write all those Sam/Jack fics I've been meaning to. Thanks for reading and if you liked it let me know._


End file.
